Dealing with Mental Illness

Mental illness is something that has a stigma attached to it, even today. People with mental illnesses often are labeled "crazy" and often they think they are. I personally have suffered from mental illness for essentially the majority of my life, since a young child probably around 5. I have struggled with depression and generalized anxiety disorder for many years, and I was diagnosed at 17, during the fall of 2009. I then started talk therapy and a medication (I can't remember the name) for my anxiety and Lexparo for my depression. At the time I was reluctant to share my issues with others so only close friends and some family knew.

Over a period of six months I learned how to deal with my depression and stopped talk therapy and medication. I began to accept my diagnosis and was more willing to discuss it with others. As I started my second year of college in the fall of 2011 I started struggling with my depression again and started taking Celexa to help me cope. I also started working out, which for me and a lot of people naturally helps you feel better. I had ended up losing some weight and feeling a lot better overall. I ended up learning how to deal with my depression easier and kept it all in check. 

Then in the fall of 2012 I was in a serious car accident. In the hospital I was treated for anxiety issues and depression. I first took Clonazepam for my anxiety but that wasn't working so they added a stronger medicine, Xanax occasionally. I also was put on Celexa again for my depression. I had extreme issues with anxiety while in the hospital but my issues with depression didn't set in so much until after I was released. After being released I had extreme feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. I was unable to cope with any extra stress without having panic attacks. I notably had a fairly major panic attack while talking about the possibility of having to have skin grafts. I also had extreme anxiety every time I was in a vehicle, I was afraid every car ride would turn into a wreck, the longer the ride the stronger the panic inside of me. I also experienced ruminating thoughts about the accident and time in the emergency room. I would constantly go over and over details and could not stop it even though the thoughts bothered me. That turned into sleepless nights full of worry and sadness. Quickly my family and I realized I probably had some form of post traumatic stress disorder, also known as PTSD.

I started going to specialized counseling in October and was diagnosed with a minor form of PTSD. When I started I also had feelings that I wish I had died or was dead, the closest I have ever come to having suicidal thoughts. My therapist and I handled those feelings, which were caused by my PTSD, and stopped them fairly quickly. I slowly learned how to handle my triggers, such as thoughts of the accident or ER time or being in a vehicle. I eventually became able to handle everyday life with ease. I switched to regular talk therapy counseling in January. During my talk therapy I learned to cope with my depression and sleep issues and I stopped going after a couple of months.

Now, 10 months after my accident I have a handle on my triggers, I am able to drive a car by myself, I have stopped taking my anxiety medication and am coming down off of my antidepressant. I still struggle every day with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, as I likely will for my entire life. Some days are great and without trouble, others I have sleepless nights and worries that won't stop. I still have issues almost every time I am in a vehicle and work at handling them every time.